What makes you who you are?

Hello everyone,I’m back again with some of my thoughts so here goes;

I once saw somewhere that it’s the things you don’t choose that make you who you are. I’m inclined to disagree with this idea. Why should the things I have no control over be allowed to define me forever? In my opinion, this is the sort of ideological environment that breeds excuses and lack of success. It perhaps also encourages wallowing in life’s misfortunes instead of advocating self reliance and dusting yourself back off again. This sort of thought could also allow a person to forever be trapped in the shadow of the failures (or even successes) of their parents.

Now don’t get me wrong, things you can’t control can definitely describe you. For instance, your name, your complexion, the house you grew up in, your nationality and so on.

In fact, at some point in your life, they might even define you. This is only acceptable at the point where you have no power to do anything about it. You read books where you see children start off as being described as the son or daughter of crack heads and they evolve into being described as the best student in the school. On the other hand, the child might start off as the child of the biggest oil magnate in town and end up known as a murderer or thief (believe it or not).


I’m fully of the opinion that everyone should be able to forge their own path. This is not possible in a world where people expect you to be defined by things out of your control, just like a child. I find that the truth of the matter is that all these external influences only matter before you get something or go somewhere. If you get a job based on the name of your father, fair enough. However, if you are thicker than a bank vault, you will get fired sooner rather than later. So, essentially it is the choice to exercise your brain which will define your worth as an employee in that job.


Some people are naturally clever, the foregone conclusion after having spoken to them is that they will be top of their class. Surprisingly, this is not always the case because they might be lazy. It will turn out to be that person who is perhaps not as clever but is extremely hardworking who gets the top marks. It is also possible that they both have the same skills and the only difference is the amount of work put in. In these sorts of cases, it is clearly the choice of the people that determines the outcome. Therefore, don’t concern yourself with things you can’t help but work hard at the things which you can. Some people will choose to say ‘I’m not that smart man, let me just pass’ or ‘his family is rich, they can buy books for him to study’. In that same situation, another person will borrow the books from the rich friend, study hard, ask questions and even do better than the person with every other advantage. Think about it….

Recently, I saw this film ‘gone baby gone’ which involved the kidnapping of a four-year-old child. At once, I wondered why the kidnapping of a child was seen as more tragic than that of an adult (controversial, I know). Perhaps, it is because they haven’t had the opportunity to make any mistakes yet. They are seen as more worthy of saving because they are pure, a ‘blank slate’, if you will. They only have things they cannot control in their lives. You hear things like ‘it’s not his fault, he’s only a child’. A child can’t be blamed for most things; they are not even criminally viable until they are at least ten years old. How is it then sensible to liken a grown adult to the same state they were in when they were a child? Part of the things that makes us adults are the decisions we can now make. The ability to vote, get a job, pay bills, get married, , drink alcohol and so on.


These things, mentioned above are the things that make us who we are, in my opinion. We will all vote different parties, get married (if you want to) and get jobs (hopefully).  Nobody can help what happens them, a lot of the time. However, we do have control over how we react afterwards and we deserve the courtesy to be lauded for our achievements. We also deserve to be punished for our crimes and criticised (constructively) for our failures or bad choices.

The crux of the matter is no one should allow the things they feel are out of their control define them forever. No matter how impoverished or destitute your background is, you can succeed. Conversely, no matter how gilded, polo filled and caviar condensed your life is, you can definitely fail. Knowing these facts and accepting them is the difference between those winning at life and those who aren’t.

So, ask yourself the question in the title today and analyse the answers that matter, you just might be pleasantly surprised. Anyhoo, I’m going to leave you to think about this and until next time. Ciao x



Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.